So, today I finally got around to actually calling my mom about the two things that have been bothering me the past few days: my graduation present from my parents and the strange charge from AT&T on my debit card.
Unexpected Charges
First, the more annoying news. I noticed the charge on Sunday when I needed money for some random thing and went to make a transfer between my savings and my checking account. Turns out the charge is actually my family’s cell phone bill for the month of April. At first I thought this was a mistake or something because I’ve never used my debit card to contribute to the bill – only my Discover card. It must have been an accident or something, because neither of my parents know about the charge.
My mom sent me money to deal with the whole thing, but that doesn’t resolve the issue that my checking account was overdrawn and that I’ll be charged a fee. Is the $.68 I earned this month from my savings account really worth the chance of incurring a $35 fee for the occasional unexpected charge?
A Huge Disappointment…
Now the depressing news. I asked my mom if she and dad had gave any consideration into the computer purchase I had proposed as my graduation present way back over the winter and spring holidays. To that, she responded that she thought my dad had purchased a digital picture frame for my graduation present. I melted. The fact that such a momentus life achievement and rite of passage was going to be rewarded with a standalone LCD screen that couldn’t possibly cost more than $200 was heartbreaking. Not because I’m a materialistic SOB, but because I’m so used to my dad being stingy with buying things for me.
You’d think that because of this, I’d take this as typical dad, but it sends a message louder than any bullhorn could issue. It says to me that this event is no more important than any other event in my history. It says that he isn’t willing to put any thought into finding out what I for this occasion. It further says to me that he doesn’t listen to me when I speak, especially after the times I’ve explicitly told both he and mom what I want for graduation.
…Me or the Gift?
This only adds to the mounting depression I’ve been feeling with regards to my post graduate activities. I’m growing more and more unsure of my path and I fear that I don’t actually have the mental facilities to actually do what I want to do. For that matter, I’m not even sure I know what I want to do. I’ve got such a broad range of interests and experiences, but none of them have enough depth to prove myself qualified enough for anything.
I want to go into user interface design, but have had little or no experience. I want to go into support IT, but don’t have the qualifications. I want to go into graphic design but I fear not having the skills or the strength of concept to be competitive. I want to go into transportation planning, but my lack of formal education here is laughable. Within each, there are more things I aspire to do, but again, I feel qualified for none.
I used to think I was better than James for being able to stay afloat at RPI and graduate on time, but now I’m starting to feel self-depricating feelings again about post collegiate plans. A couple of months ago, I considered going co-terminal at RPI and getting my Masters Degree in HCI, transportation planning, or IT, but quickly found out that my GPA wouldn’t make the cut and that I’d have to take the GREs before I could even consider going co-terminal. Yesterday and today, Brian was talking about going co-terminal with HCI and I can’t help but agree with his reasons, but feel like no one in my life is nudging me in any particular direction. Boston, here I come.