What follows is the culmination of many many years of famous quotes. Unfortunately, most of these aren’t the sorts of quotes that do well out of context. Brett’s comments about spoons and dams could possibly work well out of context as well as in context, but that is all relative.

None of these quotes should in any way represent the full character of any of these people, except for perhaps their humanity.

Spring 2007

Katelyn: I didn’t want to pay for the free version (of Picasa Web).

Me: (to Tyler Medina) I just don’t know how to complement you.
Me: (to Tyler Medina) You’re the joke and Cameron’s the punchline.
Me: (to the room) See, Tom has a nice body.
Tyler Medina: What about me?
Me: Yours is okay…

Brett: (In response to the headline ‘BBC TV Reporter Feared Kidnapped in Gaza, Network Says It Lost Contact With Him’) Reporter’s Cell Phone Dies, Reporter Presumed Dead

WM: It’s a video of me doing things of an adult nature.
BUN: Is it stuff of a sexual nature?
WM: No it’s a video of me voting.

Jacinda Moore: You send them the money and you get a check from the Admin Office in three weeks.

Henry Albin: I don’t wanna wait three weeks.
Jacinda Moore: The Damien Center will still be there in three weeks.

Steve Banas: I carry my Wii around in my GameCube case with fadded poam.

Me: Then there’s the occasional death…
Henry: Oh, I can recover from that.

ABC News: …Rescuers are now working to bring down the three hikers, alive.
Cody: As opposed to, ‘They’re going to kill them first, and then bring them down.’

Karl: Cody’s mom wants us to visit. I don’t know why. She’s been acting weird.
Cody: Yeah, it might be my dog or my uncle…

Storm: Once you go black, you need a wheelchair.

Me: the ‘Enterflies’ (the Enterprise)

Jon Buckley: I’m so tired of SoldWorks.
Brett: At least you’re not solid of TiredWorks…

Me: He sounds funny.
Monique Gaston: Yeah, he does. Is it Irish or Scottish?
Me: It’s ‘Irelish.’

Brett: ‘Apprenticela’? ‘Apprenticela’?! What is ‘The Apprenticela’?!?!
Rob Chase & Dan Nottingham: That’s ‘The Apprentice LA’…

Professor Noble: …assuming that fifty percent of divorces begin in marriage…wait a second…

Fall 2006

Brett: If it was a Mig and he was heading towards the ground, it would say, ‘pull up, pull up,’ in Russian.

Me: One is two and power is ground…

Alex Devine: ‘…oooh, your PDA is so old. What sort of chip do you have in it? A Dorito?…’

During an installation of Ubuntu Linux:
hdc: cdrom_pc_intr: The drive appears confused

Me: (to David Love) Should I just pay you halfty percent of shipping?

David Love: (to a component of his guitar) Now how am I going to mount you?…

Microsoft Anne (the new text-to-speech voice in Vista): I may be a man, but you’re a pussy…….cat

John C. Dvorak: And just so you know: Yes, I do think the new MacBook is pretty jazzy. And hey, it’s black, just like my ThinkPad! Cool!
from his PC Mag article:
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1895,1978729,00.asp

From Dream Reality (Directed & Produced by Luke Anderson): Sounds like you need more sausage…

Prof Abdoun: If I’m pulling at C, this part below C is just going along for the ride.

Andrew Kaserian: He causes amnesia.

Me: on the fifth day of every Sunday…

Jon Zolla: I think we’re gonna get kicked out soon.
David Hussey: I’m the bathroom nigitsu…?

Stickers: God made me queer/lesbian/bi
Marc: What did God make you?
Alex: God made me a ham sandwich.

Katelyn: Look, there’s the train to Babylon.
Marc: Yeah, must be the eastbound train…

Julie: Well, just put the nuts on the side…

Kerri: So what do you people generally like in your salad?
Katelyn: Make it colourful…

Julie: …so yeah, that’s my State Farm story…

Julie: (About a candy wrapper) Why do you still have that?
Marc: Because it was in my pants?

Julie: (About Lawrence Fishbourne’s character in The Matrix) I thought that was James Earl Jones.
Marc: That’s wasn’t James Earl Jones! Jesus Christ!
Julie: I thought you were saying Jesus was in that movie…Jesus was definitely not in The Matrix.

Marc: I’m so full of shit- I mean, I’m so full of food.

Amanda: I hope the fish don’t look up my skirt.

Marjo: Planes are definitely plane-shaped…

David Hussey: I bet that port’s disabled…
Amanda: I bet your mom is disabled…

Amanda Janowczyk: Tinkling…yeah, I’m doing it as a cultural event

Amanda: …made stupid by the pregnant girl…

Alex DeVine: …The male morning after pill…

Alex: I’m being fececia…fecicious…

Me (with a Filipino accent): Do not part in my presence.
Dan DelaRosa: Do not part in my fresence?

Alex (In the McNeil Room): That’s a skylight? But it’s so dark at night…

Brett: We need to put this somewhere where the writing is good.

Brett: Mrs. Entropy, unnanny

Brett: …. if it was evil, it would be purple and leaving…

Brett (about gaming in the summer): It’ll be like, ‘Oh god, it’s too hot out; I should stay inside.’ Or it’ll be like, ‘It’s raining AGAIN; I should stay inside.’ Or, ‘OH GOD! I live in the southern hemisphere! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!??!?!?’

Spring Holiday

Me: Shit fucked

Me: fiiiiirmily

Me: These shoes are not designed for feet!

Kerri: You could be a change machine
Me (sarcastically): Yes, when I have bowel movements, the change comes out sorted.

Mrs. Williamson: ….granny is decaf…..

James: It’s hard to feel books over Amazon

Kerri: This dog just offered me tongue….Jazzie gave me tongue the first time I met her.

Julie (to James after coming back from the bathroom): Did everything come out okay?

Julie (about James): Awwwww, it’s his first cane whacking.

Me: I’m doing it, Kerri!

James (referring to Roosevelt Field): You can do all of that in a field?

Winter Holiday

Julie: Josephina’s Surprise
Me: What about penis surprise?

Julie: Whale….

Me (looking at an issue of Penthouse): I don’t care about the woman…Her cock (is beautiful).

Me: Do we have anymore carpet samples?
(To put it in context, I was asking if there were anymore nouns in the MadLib we were doing and I wanted to use carpet samples if there was nother noun.)

Julie: It’s not like anyone walks by and says, ‘Look at her vagina.’

Me: I’m going to wash my butt.

Bloopers from The World This Week:

-> sporksman (spokesman)
-> counterfart (counterfiet)
-> competertion (competition)
-> humids (humans)

Brett: Christina is not a carnival attraction…
Brett: Do you want to do hot chocolate tonight? We can open all the windows…

Brett: the hoover dam is not a spoon[21h20.08] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): i’ve never done anything of htis magnitude before
[21h20.54] Marc: it’s a freaking spoon
[21h21.00] Marc: I’m not asking you to make me a dam
[21h21.02] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): lol
[21h21.11] Marc: though, that would be nice
[21h21.12] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): the dam is easier!
[21h21.18] Marc: I just wouldn’t know where to put it
[21h21.18] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): but more expensive
[21h21.36] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): the dam has equations! the dam has math!
[21h21.47] Brett Lajzer (Hall 121): the spoon defies all things!

Spock: Yeoman Tamura, you stay here and prevent this young lady from immolating herself. Knock her down and sit on her if necessary.
-A Taste of Armageddon (Star Trek The Original Series)

Me: When you mentioned Thai food, the first thing that came to my mouth was….oh wait a second…..

Me: Kerri your dog is like the town bicycle….everybody’s had her between their legs!

During Introduction to Engineering Analysis….
Amy Gordon: How do you solve this problem?
Me: You work your way from P to A.
Amy Gordon: I’ll work my way from YOUR P to YOUR A.
Me: ummmm….

Me: Fuck, I’m screwed…

‘Life is like rainbows so dance in France’
-Chinese fortune cookie

Henry Filgueras: She moaned…. we’re cool.

Me: I wanna play games that I wanna play….oh, wait a second….

Me: OOOH, look, we’ve just missed the danish rush…
Brett: What!?… The Danish are coming! The Danish are coming!
Me: One if by land, two if by sea, three if by spaceship, four if by time portal….

Random Streamload loading phrases

’separating the saucer section’
‘making reservations at Zanzibar’
‘debugging “Hello World”‘
‘considering the consequences’
‘punching the punching bag’
‘finding the 20-sided die’
‘wishing I hadn’t said that’
‘loading landing gear’
‘pleading the fifth’
‘undergoing hypnotic therapy’
’switching majors, again’

From the Battlestar Galactica mini series

CMDR Adama: (Staring at a pair of officers on the CIC [Command Information Centre]) They’d better start having babies….
COL Tigh: Is that an order, sir?

Natasha Elcock: Could we open the shades, Mr. Window?

Natasha Elcock: Yes! God loves me! He gave me (cell phone) service!

my boss: I’m tired….Let me work.

Me: Don’t you think it’s weird how Hicksville Road goes through seamen- er I mean Seaford?

Mr. Lucano: The AND button?!?! (referring to a stupid question from someone about the TI-89 calculator)

Julie McCoy: Melts in your mouth, not in your nose.

Katelyn Conroy: (to me) Why are you playing with strippers?

Me: I know the strippers are here somewhere.
Ms. Cuneo: Maybe they’re here, you just don’t know.

Me: What sort of hills are we talking about?

Camillie: Mom,…. can I make pigs in a blanket?
Mrs. Bergamaschi: (faintly in the background) Sure honey.
Camille: Mom,…. I don’t know how to make them…
Mr. Lucano: What’s a ‘boom’?
Kerri Flanigan: It’s the opposite of a ‘bang’.
Mr. Lucano: What’s a good name for this point?
Me: Larry

Mr. Muller: You’ve regressed so much since Freshman year.
(pause)
Greg Bencic: For better or for worse?
(pause)
Mr. Muller: Umm, regressing means going backwords…

Mr. Hettrich: Marc, where’s your car?
Me: Downstairs.
Mr. Hettrich: (Sarcastically) Oh, I thought your car was on the roof….

(I’m talking about getting a PDA cellphone with Katelyn)
Katelyn: Does it work?
Me: No, it comes broken already for you.

Katelyn: You’re bony.
Me: I’m not bony, I’m hard-
Katelyn: -I don’t want to know.

Me: So…. What’s up?
Amy Williamson: Nothing much.
Me: Nothing much, eh?
Amy: Well, there are things, but I’m eating my ice cream.

Quotes

  • Written by ebunam.
  • Posted on 090330.